I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
