This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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