If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
