a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
