She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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