Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
