but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
