I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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