In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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