There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
