i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
He shit in the fireplace
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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