I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
