my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I am never drinking with the goths again.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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