I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
