i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Randomize
