i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
