im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
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