the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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