I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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