Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
false alarm, still single
Randomize
