i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
