i may or may not be watching the land before time
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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