After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
