It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
