I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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