ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Randomize
