The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
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