in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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