Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
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I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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