So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
