Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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