I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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