he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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