Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
