He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
