i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
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