Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
