the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
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I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
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Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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