I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
