sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
