I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
