you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Randomize
