sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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