I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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