Me too!
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
