I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
