Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
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