You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
i came on her dog
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
