Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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