Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
