Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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