I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Randomize
