I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
