new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
