Three words: puerto rican gang bang
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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