I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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