I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
