I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
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Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
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You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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