she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I know her cup size but not her name....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
