And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
