i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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