Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
