This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
