So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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