New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
