Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
