I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
