Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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