i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
