It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
