You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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