There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
