I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
