Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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