i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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