did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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