Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
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