ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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