I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Randomize
