I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
