that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
