This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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