Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
