You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
When did we convert life to cartoon?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
