did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
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