When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Hello my rib-scented angel!
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
