How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
