I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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