I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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