I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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